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Saturday, April 19th, 2003

4 sung notes~*~sing a note
Subject:Gods.
Time:8:39 am.
Mood: chipper.
I'm sorry for the fact that I haven't posted in here for a while, I suppose I've been a bit depressed and overworked. I've been looking for a bigger apartment (read: house), trying to keep up with bills, trying to keep Yuu-chan rather healthy and confined (read: trying to keep Yuu-chan from bouncing all over the limited space we have and smashing everything to bits), and trying to keep my sanity.

The bills are absolutely horrid. I didn't know doctors appointments for Yuu-chan would cost all this money. Who do they think I am, some sort of rock star? Eh... Gods... I don't think the sanity part is working too well... but how can I afford to pay all these bills for everything? If I get a job I'll have to get a babysitter and I'll have to pay the babysitter for watching Yuu-chan and... -_-

Aha, but in better news... ^_^ Yuu-chan couldn't be any happier... and she recently introduced me to the mother of one of her friends that she plays with at the park. This kid she knows is absolutely adorable and according to Yuu-chan, her name is Aiko. I wasn't sure of her name before when I watched the two play, I was just glad that Yuu-chan had someone her age to hang around with. But the girls mother is quite possibly one of the most generous and loving people I've ever met and it was a pity to hear that she was a single parent and had been from the time she told her lover that she was pregnant.

Anyway, her name is Ayame... and she's coming over for dinner tonight. She's bringing her daughter, too. It will be fun.. so now I have house work to do.

Saturday, March 22nd, 2003

1 sung note~*~sing a note
Time:12:30 pm.
Mood: depressed.
I haven't updated in a while. Too many things going on... being a single father is a lot harder than I thought it would be -- especially because I'm trying to keep our band from falling apart (it doesn't seem like it's working...). Yuu-chan is constantly hyper and running around and wanting to go places and she takes up a lot of my time. It would be nice if I had someone to help me with her... but Ken-chan and Ma-kun are apparently having problems. I don't want to get involved. I'm not choosing sides, they can work this out on their own. I’ll just avoid the both of them for now. I don’t have the patience to deal with everything.

The past week has been horrible -- Yuu-chan was sick and I had to take her to the hospital... they said she's got the flu... So I can look forward to getting sick soon. Great. Just what I need. Just what I want. It's bad enough that she's sick and she has a bad immune system, how am I suppose to take care of her if I get sick and she gets sick again while I'm sick? It's horrible to think about. Yuu-chan also almost pulled Zuuzuu's tail off... and he got into a bag of catnip and thrashed around in it while Yuu-chan and I were out. I've spent the past three days cleaning it up (there was a lot...) and sneezing. I swear it ended up in our food... There’s probably some on the ceiling, too, as well as "Zuuzuu hair." His fur is everywhere, on Monday I found a lump of fur clinging to the wall about four feet up from the floor.

Regardless, I found a baby-sitter for Yuu-chan tonight so I can go out and have to much needed time to myself. Perhaps I'll check out a few bars... or just mope around like some walking corpse. I'm so depressed for some odd reason. I'm also pissed off... and I don't know why, so it's pissing me off even more. I really need to get out.

Friday, February 14th, 2003

1 sung note~*~sing a note
Time:9:41 pm.
Mood: tired.
Ugh. Valentine's Day sucks. The only good thing about it this year was that I got to spend the day with Yuugao.

Wait... I spend every day with her now... So it wasn't much of a big deal... Except we both got to dance to Gackt's MARS concert... I had to skip through "Vanilla" though, she's too young to see that sort of thing.

...Regardless, I think I'm going to go crash on the couch before I fall asleep at the computer...

Goodnight.

Saturday, February 1st, 2003

4 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:1:51 pm.
Mood: calm.
Ah, she's so cute... I snapped a picture of her sleeping in her new "jammies." She crashed on the floor... It's so cute...

Hopefully this works. ^_^;;;;Collapse )

Thursday, January 30th, 2003

5 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:10:12 am.
Mood: indescribable.
Behold the joys...

So I took the little (..nameless..) girl to the police station and after bombarding her (and me, myself, and I...) with various questions that had nothing to do with her wellbeing -- just where her mother could have gone... and where her father was... and after getting rather unpleasant answers from the girl (i.e. she only seemed interested in clinging to me and saying how the "bad guys had to go byebye" because they were making her upset,) they decided it would be wise to put her in an orphanage.

They attempted to pry her from my arms, but the poor girl would not budge... unless to grasp on to me even tighter (I swear she was cutting off my blood circulation in various places...) but nothing seemed to work and it only resulted in her crying. So... I did what I should not have done. I signed the adoption papers and walked out of the police station with her in my arms. One question...

What the fuck was I thinking?!

I'm too young to be a father! I can't possibly take care of a child as young as this! Or... can I? ...To make matters worse, she turned out to be a year or so younger than I thought she was -- the police managed to get a little bit of nice information out of her... She's four and her mother used to always buy her a cake and a present the day "everybody visited the pretty sakura twees" ... emphasis on "twees"... So her birthdate is somewhere around that time, I suppose? Her name also happens to be Yuugao. Who name's their child "moon flower"...? It suits her well, I suppose... she's got ice-blue eyes. Gorgeous. My god, you should see them... and raven colored hair... to the shoulders, only slightly longer in the front.

I bought her a dress and a teddy bear (along with a toothbrush and some extra clothes...) yesterday and took her out to eat whatever she wanted... Which happened to be a lot of sugary things, but I figured she deserved them. Ah, I share my bed with her... and her rather large teddy bear... she's always cold so I have to snuggle with her as I tell her stories. She likes the Juunishi myth... her favorite seems to be the rat... though she does get upset and says that the "meanie rat should not have done that to the kitty cat!" when I get around to telling her about how the rat tricked the cat.

Well, I must be going now. It's getting near lunch time and she's just waking up from her nap. Perhaps I'll show her off to Ma-kun and Ken-chan later?

Monday, January 27th, 2003

1 sung note~*~sing a note
Time:2:48 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
-_-; Quick post before I must take the dear child (who's found an immense amount of pleasure in trashing everything...) to the police station... I called them up and they said that they wanted me to stop by the station with her so they can ask her all these questions and such...

I'm worried about her... Oh well, she was never mine in the first place! I shouldn't worry all that much... And... Ah, it was below freezing yesterday... the poor girl would have frozen to death if I hadn't taken her in. Yay for caring for children I don't know... o_O;

1 good point for Mr. Aizawa. -_-;

Sunday, January 26th, 2003

5 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:10:58 am.
Mood: confused.
I don't know what to do. I haven't posted in a few days simply because of that fact, either. Needless to say, after I walked in (more like walked in and then watched... -_-;) on Ken-chan and Ma-kun making out... and the whole thing that happened after that... I just... I don't know how to describe it, I can't even fully remember everything that went through my mind but I know that because of it, I've just been in a slump for the past few days. ...And I'm not describing it for obvious reasons. e_e

Ma-kun wants Ken-chan... Ken-chan wants Ma-kun... it's just a matter of whether or not (and when) they say it and get it over with already. Until then I've decided that I'm not going to visit them without a day or so's notice. I'd be terribly and utterly horrified for the rest of my life if I walked in on them doing just a little more than making out. -_-;

On a slightly odd note, I woke up this morning on a park bench. Frozen. When did I start acting like a homeless idiot? But what happened to be even odder than that? A little girl was curled up in a ball in my arms... and I couldn't remember why... until I actually thought about it...

...-_-;Collapse )

Monday, January 20th, 2003

2 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:8:18 pm.
Mood: blank.
I bought a new fish.. and after I set it in a bowl on the table (the water from the bag in the bowl, as well... I wouldn't want to kill a new fish, would I?) ...I turned my back and Zuuzuu ate it. -_-;

On another note, I'm rather lonely.. I think I'll give certain friends of mine a surprise visit. ...Yes, I will do that... I can't stand feeling so alone. -_-; I'll make a longer post later.

Thursday, January 9th, 2003

2 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:3:29 pm.
Mood: confused.
I don't like this. This empty feeling I have. ...I don't know what it's from, but I feel like I'm constantly locked away in a dark room... the only source of light being the sunlight that streams through the small window in an isolated corner. Void of all happiness and instead filled to the brim and spilling over with this unexplainable longing for something I can't describe. For something I don't even know the identity of.

I have these dreams. Not just any dreams... but one's that probably have some deeper meaning. Every night it's the same: blackness. An ongoing but not endless cascade of darkness that spills into a pool of sparkling, clear blue water. From this water sprouts beautifully magnificent plantlife and from these, various types of animals... deer, wild cat, bears, squirrels... dragonflies. Red dragonflies. And then this raging fire gallops through my faerie-tale forest and envelopes it in dancing red flames. And everything's gone. Everything I loved about that little world of mine. Except the dragonflies.

And then I wake up with a cold sweat and panting. What the hell? I don't get it. Maybe it's her. Yes, I've dubbed the thing "possessing" my house "Baka".. affectionately, of course. And it's a girl. And I don't like her. Infact, I highly doubt it's a thing that "possesses" this place, but rather the building itself. She's old... Okay, maybe not that old... but then she's mad. And I don't know why. I think I'll buy her some chocolates and make it all better. I want my old house ba--...

...I need a psychiatrist.

Thursday, January 2nd, 2003

1 sung note~*~sing a note
Time:5:49 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
I've decided that I'm going to move back 'home,' I don't care if I have to put up with creeking noises and whispers that I can't explain. I don't want to complicate matters any more than they've already been complicated... and I figured that I don't want to get between Ken-chan and Ma-kun. I've got my own problems, I don't need to be falling for someone else when (technically) I'm involved with another person. And I know that's happening because I was jealous last night... jealous. I don't want that.

What happened to her, anyway? I've tried not to think about it, that way it would save me a lot of time... but sometimes I can't help but wonder. It's been a while since we've even talked. I've noticed that her voice echoes in my dreams sometimes and when I'm alone... I can smell her... her fragrance... a scent that is completely Maiko Shindo. I miss it. I miss her. I miss running my fingers through her hair, looking into her eyes and the way she fit perfectly in my arms. I miss just being with her. ...Where did it all end?

I think I'm going to take a walk and I'll start packing when I get back. I need to clear my head and maybe even beat the hell out of myself for being so stupid and lost.

Wednesday, December 25th, 2002

2 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:9:16 am.
Mood: disappointed.
I don't know what's going on between Ken-chan and Ma-kun and it's driving me insane. Part of me doesn't even want to know. It's not a big deal - I'm usually confused about most things, anyway. When it comes to relationships and the interactions of your friends with one another, I mean.

Nonetheless, I woke up this morning with a headache - as to be expected, seeing as how Ma-kun and Ken-chan let me get as 'buzzed' as I did. I don't know what the other two were doing when I woke up but I immediately told myself that I did not want to involve my self in it and further complicate the matter and so I headed right to the computer and tried to block everyone and everything out. I figure that I really don't want to overhear anything or see something I shouldn't see. I'm not involved in it and I don't wish to be - I don't want to deal with complicated matters on a day like this.

Maybe I'm just odd when it comes to things like this, maybe I should involve myself but I don't think it's right. I'm being pulled in both directions so I think I'll just grab a jacket and take a really long walk. Maybe I'll stop to visit some old friends, maybe I'll just crash in a park. I don't know - all I know is that I want to get out of here even though I know being alone on Christmas is going to dampen my spirits a slight bit (..okay, more than a slight bit... but... who cares?) but I do believe that the others need a lot more time alone.

Thursday, December 19th, 2002

2 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:8:08 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
The 16th was no less than wonderfully amazing. Ma-kun, Ken-chan and I showed up extra early and - as Ma-kun stated earlier - we performed many of our old songs and a few new ones as well. I had originally doubted that we'd do well - I was afraid that we'd screw up somewhere or the crowd would hate us for odd reasons.

...But they loved us. The loved everything about us... our songs, the way we dressed, the way we presented ourselves on stage. I got hooked on the way they shouted our name, it was like a drug. I got high off hearing "ASK! ASK! ASK!" shouted every few seconds as we gave it our all. I didn't feel like I was part of some failed band - some band that was reduced to dust particles after a short session of fame - I felt as if I was part of the best band in Japan. No one can bring us down, no one can tell us we're no good or that what happened in the past screwed us over for the rest of our lives... because we'd prove them wrong.

I can't stop thinking about Monday and how well everything went, how unforgotten we were... And so I'm left with a few words - the only words I can think of at the moment about the whole situation:

ASK is coming back.

Wednesday, December 11th, 2002

1 sung note~*~sing a note
Time:8:21 pm.
I found the cutest little thing. n_n God bless the person who made it.

That's all for now... I can't think of anything else to write besides this disturbing dream I had involving Ken-chan, Ma-kun, and myself... and it scares me to even think about it. At least I hope it was a dream, I don't recall getting drunk and the things I did in that 'dream' are things I would do only if I were drunk.

-_-; And yes, this obviously means I'm still feeling rather stupid.

Tuesday, December 10th, 2002

1 sung note~*~sing a note
Time:8:14 pm.
Mood: restless.
Ugh. Ma-kun's a pain... sometimes... but I volunteered to sleep on the couch tonight... I really don't want Ken-chan giving up his bed for me, you know? Or maybe I can sleep with him... or Ma-kun can? But I doubt Ken-chan'd want to share any bed with him. Regardless, I just don't want him giving his things up for me.

On another note, I think I'm going to get a new lap-top or... go through my boxes to see if I can find my old one... -.-; Ma-kun's such a computer hog so I'm stuck literally sitting on his lap if I want to post comments or something... and then we go through this whole complicated thing...

I think half of my vocabulary has disappeared since I came here - as well as half of my brain cells. It's kind of depressing if you think about it... but I'll live... I hope.

That's all for now, I have to go occupy myself by doing something... else. G'ah, I feel so stupid. >_

Saturday, December 7th, 2002

2 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:7:14 pm.
Mood: anxious.
>.<;;
To clear up a lot of damn confusion!
I DID NOT SPEND ANY PORTION OF THESE PAST FEWS DAYS HAVING SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS OF ANY SORT WITH ANYBODY OR ANYTHING!!! Ma-kun, you are just a pervert...
Spent
1a : used up: CONSUMED. b : exhausted of active or required components or qualities often for a particular purpose
2 : drained of energy or effectiveness : EXHAUSTED
3 : ...Oh my God. I will not go there. >.<;;; At least Ma-kun's pervertedness was somewhat called for when it comes to the third meaning for this word.


...But, incase you were wondering, I was going for meaning 2. Why? Because I think my place is screwed up. I spent the past few nights shivering like hell and wide awake because the creepy noises I keep hearing are scaring the hell out of me. Zuuzuu keeps chasing things that aren't there... and I can't even take a shower without the water temperature going on a fritz. I can't stand the creaking at night, the little clicks and beeps... the constant sound of whispering.

It's making me paranoid.

So! I've decided to pay my two best friends in the world a wonderful little visit. ^-^ I've packed... all of my clothes, gathered all of Zuuzuu's things (...Zuuzuu included) and my fish and their things... and I'm leaving in an hour or so. Just a little visit... I'm not moving in - it's just a nice little visit. Loooong visit... n_n

13 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:8:33 am.
Mood: exhausted.
Ugh.
...I am so damn spent.

And I forgot what I was going to write about. That doesn't help at all, does it? No, it doesn't. I'll write more later. e_e;

Monday, December 2nd, 2002

5 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:8:34 am.
Mood: tired.
Hn... I suppose it's been a while since I mad a decent post... So I'll try to make up for it now...

I just haven't known what to write about-the past few days have been rather boring and tiresome and I swear time has slowed down. It took me damn near the whole day to clean the house... But isn't that as long as it's supposed to take? I don't know. I'm too tired to think... I think thinking about time going slower actually makes it seem like it's going slower... So I have to try not to think about thinking about thinking the time is going slower... Or something. G'ah!

I went to one of the new supermarket stores that opened-and I went on the grand opening day... How could I be so stupid? I got lost for about an hour or two, only found a few things I needed, and then I had to stand in a mile long line (I swear this line was huge!) for two hours. TWO HOURS. Who the hell wants to stand in a line for TWO HOURS?!

However, I managed to escape the supermarket hell and I stumbled (in all my glory... e_e;) into this club... (...heh... er...) and managed to get ASK a gig for... the 16th of this month. o_o; Go figure.
Ma-kun, Ken-chan... please don't kill me. ;_; It was almost forced... and I think I need more sleep before I pass out...

Friday, November 22nd, 2002

5 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:9:29 pm.
Mood: amused.
Taki

----

Your first name of Taki has given you a quick, analytical mind. You are creative, versatile, and imaginative. However, independence, positivity and the urge for action and progress are such strong forces in your nature that you find it difficult to control them. You feel happy as long as headway is being made, but as soon as you are obstructed or your individuality and freedom of action are restricted, you experience an intense nervous reaction. Moods of depression can result during which you become caustic and belligerent in your attitude toward everyone, especially to those in closest association with you. Routine, monotony, and the responsibility of looking after details can have a similar effect on you, as you are a person who desires change, travel, and new experiences. In order to gain greater congeniality in your personal associations, you need to cultivate a more relaxed manner, greater generosity, understanding, and tolerance, and, above all, you need to avoid being too outspoken and self-opinionated. The influence of this name can be very destructive to your health and personal happiness, even though it may take you far in business. You frequently experience nervous tension in the solar plexus. A sensitive stomach and ulcers could result. Also, ailments could centre in the head affecting the eyes, ears, nose, throat, or teeth.

...Solar...what?

Wednesday, November 20th, 2002

sing a note
Time:4:23 pm.
Mood: amused.



Pea Brain!
You're most like the head of a biker gang.

You are a typical popular guy. You run your mouth, and do your best just to look pretty. You do, however, tend stumble over your words quite often, and don't react well under pressure. You did save Neo Tokyo...so that's cool.


Find out what anime bad boy you are.


Oh... kay... ;_; Gee. That's nice. -.-;

Friday, November 15th, 2002

3 sung notes~*~sing a note
Time:4:52 pm.
Mood: sick.
Ugh.

I woke up with a headache. A horrible headache and I was sick to my stomach. I couldn't keep anything down and...

I threw up all over Zuuzuu. ;_; So I had to give him a bath and I felt like killing myself. I have this big huge cut up my arm - from my wrist to my elbow - from him and it bled all over the place. Do I attract some sort of Blood God or something? Anyway, I did manage to get him cleaned after about an hour of trying to get him in the water which... is what resulted in the huge cut (which was also occompanied by many more little cuts and scratches...).

Anyway, so after Zuuzuu's awe-inspiring bath, I cleaned the bathroom up, which made me even more sick due to the fumes from the cleaners, and over-dosed on some medicine to make you sleep and feel all better when you wake up, and went to bed...

And now I feel high. I am so airheaded and I'm walking into walls and I'm so damn hungry. So I think I'll order some Chinese food after I lock Zuuzuu away in my room. Yeah. Sounds good to me. Ma-kun, Ken-chan.. you should stop by sometime, you know. I do enjoy your company... Just don't bring anything alcoholic... or anything that smells, for that matter. Unless you want me to get sick.

I'll have to... put a clothes pin over my nose or something for the Chinese Food. Damn.

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